The other terror that scares us from self-trust is our consistency; a reverence for our past act or word, because the eyes of others have no other data for computing our orbit than our past acts, and we are loath to disappoint them. – Ralph Waldo Emerson
Emerson says: “Always do what you are afraid to do.” What is ‘too scary’ to write about? Try doing it now.
(Author: Mary Jaksch)
I write about people, many times it is people I have known or have come to know. I believe everybody has a story to tell. I’m not afraid to write about most anyone. I also write about myself. I can write most anything about myself.
Being the clever readers you are, you will notice the loopholes in the last few sentences. There is one person I have not written about or dared to name in writing and there is one part of me I have not written fully about. That has to do with abuse I received as a child. To name the person in writing is indeed scary. Oh, I’m not scared of the person because he’s long since died.
I’m scared of hurting his relatives, who are my relatives. I’m scared of people saying to me once it is written that they are sure it never happened or that it wasn’t that bad, as abuse goes. Because those I’ve told the story to have said those things to me.
I’m scared of people, relatives mainly, being angry with me because surely I must have brought this incident upon myself. You know, much like people who say young girls in skimpy clothing invite rape? Although it wasn’t that kind of circumstance, still these are the things I am afraid of.
I’m afraid my truth might not be verified by any other living soul. Which is a valid fear as there was no one else there and every person who was even in the house at the time is deceased as well.
In order to write about the situation, I will have to relive it. So, I’m somewhat scared about the truth of the situation that happened more than 45 years ago.
As Linda Joy Meyers points out in The Power of Memoir, “Writing helps heal both body and mind…Writing a story helps to expose the unconscious patterns that keep the client stuck and offers new inroads into creating a different story for the client to embrace.”
That said, I will write it…afraid. It may take awhile before I am confident enough to post it. Though, I feel posting would be very freeing, almost like releasing the butterfly from it’s chrysalis. When you see that title on a post of mine, you will know what it is about.
Meanwhile, I ask you who know about such things, is it worth it to write such a story and post it or is better for me to just write it and keep it to myself? I really am interested in your opinions.