God, do You really see me? How can You see everything everyone does all the time?
Did this thought ever worry you as a kid? Does it concern you today?
There’s a song we used to sing in Sunday School that says to be careful little feet where you go, eyes what you see, hands what you do, mouth what you say because “the Father up above is looking down in love.”
That simple song made me stop and think several times, even as a teenager. Did I really want God to see me in this car with these particular individuals? Did I really want Him to see me reading this particular book? Did I really want Him to hear me gossiping about that person?
As an adult, I knew the theological concept of an omnipresent, omniscient God. Just because I knew it, though, didn’t mean the total reality of it set in. It didn’t mean I’d grown into the real impact of it on my life.
The rational side of me said this was truth, but the experiential side of me said, “Surely He doesn’t know about this one thing.”
Somehow my brain had convinced my body that if another person couldn’t see me do something, then God couldn’t.
It was a foolish rationalization that went something like this. “I’ll buy this bag of Starburst® candy, take them home and carry them up to my bedroom. I will eat them when no one sees me. Then, of course, God can’t see me either.”
It was a hidden thing or so I thought. In some fashion, I felt I had put one over on God.
When a doctor concerned about my weight would ask how many calories I ate, I’d say I was sure I didn’t eat more than 2,000 calories a day. I’d get the regular lecture about going down to a 1,200 calorie diet, etc.
Truth is I had no idea how many calories I had eaten. However, recently I checked out how many calories are in a large bag of Starburst® candy, which was my drug of choice.
I was amazed that there are 2,275 calories. I’d eat that in a day, along with other food or decadent sweets. I was a grown woman with children and a husband. Here I was hiding and eating candy in my bedroom. What’s up with that?
Not only that, I was killing myself, sweet morsel by sweet morsel. And the Father up above was looking down in love with tears in His eyes.
God gave me free will and I chose to try to eat myself to death. I was making a mockery of the gift He freely gave me.
I knew what I was doing, but I didn’t think I had the fortitude to stop. I just couldn’t not eat candy. I had to have it. I craved it if it wasn’t within arm’s reach. I stopped at the grocery store specifically to buy it even though I also bought a few healthy things.
I thought I was hiding my addiction, but God knew and still He let me have my way.
Some wonder why God doesn’t stop people from doing harmful things. The reason is simple—He loves us too much to force us to do the right thing. We have to learn it.
God gives us suggestions for right living, but most of the time we tend to do what gratifies our flesh, in other words what feels good, looks good or tastes good.
We try to hide away from His all-seeing eye. And yet, His eyes roam to and fro throughout the whole earth in search of one whose heart is loyal to Him.1 It doesn’t say He’s searching for those who are doing bad stuff. He’s searching for a person committed to Him.
It’s not really about doing at all. It’s about being. It’s about being a person after God’s own heart. It’s about loving God more than a bag of candy. It’s about opening all the doors to all the places I’ve been guarding and allowing Him full access.
When I do, He doesn’t come in like a mad man throwing things out the windows. He comes in, sits down beside me and just holds me. He brings His comforting presence into the darkness I’ve been trying to hide.
He shines His Light on the secret room I’ve had locked for years. When His Light comes it reveals the futility of the thing I’ve been holding on to all my life.
“And not a creature exists that is concealed from His sight, but all things are open and exposed, naked and defenseless to the eyes of Him.”2
“He will both bring to light the secret things that are now hidden in darkness and disclose and expose the secret aims, motives and purposes of hearts. Then every man will receive his due commendation from God.”3
Laying down the thing I thought I couldn’t live without hurt. I had to totally surrender it, which was akin to having my fingernails ripped out.
However after they were gone, the darkness ended in a blaze of glory. I saw what I had been resisting all my life. I used substitutes for His joy, His love, His protection, His comfort.
He was there all the time I just went to my secrets instead of to Him.
This Christian life is so much more than just words or just attending church on Sunday. It has to do with the totality of us, every tiny part we’ve been keeping in reserve in case God doesn’t come through.
He doesn’t want most of us. He wants all of us, every part surrendered to Him. For it’s only then that His power is made perfect in my weakness.4
It’s only then that His grace can become the wind at our backs propelling us forward by His mighty power at work within us to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.”5
I’m eternally thankful that God does see me, that He knows me completely, that He is for me and not against me. Today, I’ve grown up, but I’m singing a childhood Sunday School song with much more meaning.
“For the Father up above is looking down in love. Be careful little life how you live.”
He sees me and that’s a good thing.
1 2 Chronicles 16:9
2 Hebrews 4:13 AMP
31 Cor. 4:5
42 Corinthians 12:9-10
5 Ephesians 3:20 NLT
Get your copy of Sweet Grace: How I Lost 250 Pounds and Stopped Trying to Earn God’s Favor by clicking on the title. Also, grab a copy of Sweet Grace Study Guide: Practical Steps to Lose Weight and Overcome Sugar Addiction. If you already have a copy of either the Study Guide or the memoir, I would be honored if you would go to the pages and share a few sentences in the reviews.