Let’s face it, women talk…a lot.  I’m one so I can say that! 

We're women. We talk. That's what we do!

Just because a woman is a Christian does not mean she shouldn’t talk. However, it does mean our words should be chosen for meaning and authenticity. They should be truth spoken from truth sayers.

It’s because women love to talk to each other, that we have a tendency to allow the conversations to venture over into categories that can get us into difficulty.

Well, let’s just call a spade a spade.  We can sin with our sweet little lips.  It is a fact of life.  If you are a woman and a Christian, I can guarantee you’ve done it probably more than once.  I know I have. Confession is good for the soul. I can write this because these are things I’m working on.

The following is not an exhaustive list of what Christian women should not say. These are some of the things we say without contemplating the harm. 

Did you hear about …

This statement nearly always leads to a time of “sharing” a great and marvelous discovery about something another person has done wrong, something horrible that has happened to them or something you think is true but you have no real basis for the complete leap in conclusions.  You just have an inkling it might be true. Because of that, you for sure have to share it with your BFF. Who will share it with her other BFF and so on.

Even though it might be clothed as a “prayer request”, let’s face it. It’s gossip, pure and simple.

If you tell anyone I said that, I’ll deny it.

Really?  Then why did you tell the person you’re talking to?  So as far as I can tell there are only three reasons you would say this.  1.  It is not true.  2.  It is too horrible for you to be repeating.  3.  It would greatly hurt, demean or undermine another person’s reputation. 

As Grandma would say, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.”

My husband is a (insert whatever your negative word of choice might be).

I’m all for talking through personal, even marital problems, with another woman.  If done correctly, i.e., trying to ascertain how you can change or how you and your husband can work together or what resources are available for assistance, it can be very beneficial. Talking through a problem with a friend has many times helped me to see what I need to do to change and improve my marriage.

Discussing things  that shed a less than admirable light on your husband should be shared only with a mentor or accountability partner, someone in whom you have the utmost trust. It should be someone whose advise and wisdom you value and will incorporate into your life.

To be calling you husband names does not help. It is not loving, edifying or encouraging.  It does not build him up.  It tears him down.  As Christian women, we should be our husband’s greatest advocate, the one who tells others about his good qualities.

If he really has no good qualities at all, why did you marry him to begin with? If he is physically or otherwise abusing you, that is a different story. Run, do not walk to the nearest pastor, counselor or shelter.

In most situations, though, if we say positive things to people and share only the negative things to God, I guarantee any changes that need to be made will happen a lot faster.

Sally (insert woman of choice here) won’t mind if I share what she told me as long as you don’t tell anyone else.

You know what the woman you just told will do, don’t you? She will run, not walk to the next woman she can and tell them what you just told her not to share and will tell them not to share.

You can say, but wait, these are fellow Christians I’m talking to. Surely they will keep a confidence. Some will. Some won’t. Probably, they will keep it just as well as you did.  If you never told them in the first place, there would not be a reason for them to tell the rest of the world.

I don’t know what the Bible says about it and I don’t care.

This is so wrong on so many levels. If you say this or even if you are saying it by your actions, watch out.  It’s interesting to me that as Christian women, we may want God to intervene to fix a situation, but we do not want to change what we know God is telling us needs to be changed in our lives.

We can sing, “Oh, How I love Jesus” all day long, but if we are not living our lives according to scriptural principles, we are as Grandma would say, “skating on thin ice.”

In other words, you seriously need to re-examine your walk with God, if you have one.

Like many things that are in scripture, these five statements are based on common sense. Yet, many women, who call themselves Christian, say and do these things all the time. The result is likely to ruin any influence we may have for Christ. Because of  these statements, there are individuals who will not set foot inside the door of any church, have turned their back on the claims of Christ and are living in darkness.  It’s true they will have to answer for their individual decisions in that regard.

However, wouldn’t it better if you weren’t the reason they made that decision in the first place?

A careless word said without thinking can destroy lives and much more. 

“By our speech we can ruin the world, turn harmony to chaos, throw mud on a reputation, set the whole world up in smoke and go up in smoke with it, smoke right from the pit of hell” (James 3:6, The Message).

I don’t know about you but on that day I reach heaven, I picture Jesus sitting down across the coffee table from me, leaning a little bit forward, elbows on his knees, hands under his chin.  Of course, I’m expecting all kinds of accolades for my good deeds, money given, time spent in church.

Instead, imagine my shock and surprise when I notice the tears in his eyes. Then, slowly he shakes his head back and forth.  The next words from his mouth chill me to the bone.

“Why in the world did you say that?”

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Teresa Shields Parker
Teresa Shields Parker is a Christian weight loss author, coach and speaker, who has lost more than 260 pounds. Her book, "Sweet Grace: How I Lost 250 Pounds and Stopped Trying to Earn God's Favor", is the number 1 Christian Weight Loss Memoir on Amazon. She has three more books, "Sweet Freedom: Losing Weight and Keeping It Off With God's Help", "Sweet Change: True Stories of Transformation" and "Sweet Hunger: Developing An Appetite for God." Sweet Grace and Sweet Freedom study guides are available as well. All books are on Amazon. Her Coaching Programs can be found under the Weight Loss tab at TeresaShieldsParker.com. To book Teresa for your next event, check the Speaking Tab.