I grew up in the 60’s and graduated high school in 1971. It was in the era of tie-died t-shirts, bell-bottom jeans, hippies, drugs, sex and rock and roll. Fortunately, it was also the rise of Jesus Freaks and the Jesus Movement. As the daughter of a preacher,
I didn’t rebel to the extent I could have, but there was still this part of me that wanted to put a “Question Authority” bumper sticker on my car.
The Good Girl
I never did rebel very much when I was a teenager, but when I got out on my own I discovered I was a total rebel in one area that would be the bane of my existence for much of my adult life.
I was still the good girl. I went to church every Sunday. I read my Bible. I led adult Sunday School classes and small groups. I worked in ministry. I even prayed. However, my relationship with God always felt like something was missing. It was dry.
It was that way because I knew I was in rebellion in this one area that I couldn’t seem to do anything about no matter how hard I tried. Of course, that area was what I ate. I had gained up to 430 pounds eating whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. In 1998. a cardiac surgeon had told me I’d be dead in five years if I didn’t lose weight and keep it off.
When he said that I remembered back in 1977 how I had started gaining weight and had cried out to God to show me how to move the mountain of flesh that I felt had attached itself to my body. Even then I knew if I didn’t get my eating problem under control, it would get out of control and control me. In fact, it had already gotten out of control.
I know that because when God answered me giving me a very simple plan, I didn’t think I could follow it. As a matter of fact, I didn’t want to follow it. I didn’t want to stop eating sugar. So the plain and simple truth is that I rebelled against God.
I had asked for His advice. He had given it to me and I had said, “I’m not going to do that.” When I didn’t follow what God showed me to do, even though it was just one area, then I was in rebellion against Him.
At the time I didn’t see myself as a rebel. It would take time, counseling and inner healing work to even discover the lies I believed. It was those lies that were holding me back from trusting God completely.
The only cure for rebellion is complete surrender to God. However, I felt like I had to fix the mess I had made of my life all by myself. I tried and failed too many times to count.
This week on episode 15 of Sweet Grace for Your Journey podcast, I talk about how as a rebel, I was finally able to allow God to show me how to trust Him and finally surrender everything to Him. It was a pivotal step on my journey to losing over 250 pounds.